LinkedIn feed

-1-

It is time to get serious about agility:
It is best to be viewed as PMO utility.
Scrum and Kanban are agile “methodologies”,
Agile Manifesto – is purists’ ideology.

-2-

Agile KPIs, metrics and RAGs,
PMs – proudly wearing “Agile Coach” name tags.
BAs – are pretending to be “Product Owners”,
Tech Leads – are deciding on a year-end bonus.

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Agile’s the way to advance for promotion!
Don’t miss opportunities: strive with devotion!
Scrum Master – is merely a junior role,
An Enterprise Coach’s your ultimate goal!

-4-

Chief Architects – want a piece of this action,
Lets clearly define their main interaction:
“Dont waste their time, by expecting to code,
Power point creation – is their main working load”.

-5-

“Fixed everything” plans and forecasts to stakeholders,
Lets put all Scrum work in portfolio folders.
Make sure: estimations are very precise,
Our organization can handle all lies.

-6-

BAs – “PO Proxies” – Team Output Owners,
Borrowed resources – capacity donors.
Scrum, Scrum of Scrums and Scrum’s fractal design,
Oh God!, someone get me a bottle of wine!

-7-

Our Enterprise Scaling’s  – a serious matter!
Big, scaling solutions will make things just better.
Lets pay extra fees for every new version,
And be in denial of this brutal extortion!

-8-

Projects and programs. Trains, Streams, Epic Owners,
Shared workers, Brook’s Law and  developers-loaners.
Vertical structures get flipped on their side,
They’re now called Chapters – lets go for a ride!!!

-9-

Those Chapters too big??? – No worries, at all!
With Chapters of Chapters – we’ll all get a role!
But what if that thing got tremendously big?
No worries at all – will add Guild in a gig!

-10-

Portfolio Managers paid a big bribe –
To be guaranteed a sweet spot in a Tribe.
Of course, Tribal Lead is their main aspiration,
They’re now in charge of org. structure creation.

-11-

For staffing, rely on “sweat shops” and recruiters,
They are most ferocious industry looters.
They’ll find and “deliver” the cheapest resources,
While “riding” developers, like smelly horses.

-12-

Don’t do this alone: lets invite “expertise”!,
Expensive consultancies run this striptease!
They lead us through “theater” and masquerade,
And work extra hard for the millions they’ve made.

-13-

If you recognize what’s described in these rhymes,
If you get annoyed with these problems (sometimes),
Don’t remain silent and voice your frustration –
Earn tons of respect and your peers’ admiration.