It is time to get serious about agility:
It is best to be viewed as PMO utility.
Scrum and Kanban are agile “methodologies”,
Agile Manifesto – is purists’ ideology.
Agile KPIs, metrics and RAGs,
PMs – proudly wearing “Agile Coach” name tags.
BAs – are pretending to be “Product Owners”,
Tech Leads – are deciding on a year-end bonus.
Agile’s the way to advance for promotion!
Don’t miss opportunities: strive with devotion!
Scrum Master – is merely a junior role,
An Enterprise Coach’s your ultimate goal!
Chief Architects – want a piece of this action,
Lets clearly define their main interaction:
“Dont waste their time, by expecting to code,
Power point creation – is their main working load”.
“Fixed everything” plans and forecasts to stakeholders,
Lets put all Scrum work in portfolio folders.
Make sure: estimations are very precise,
Our organization can handle all lies.
BAs – “PO Proxies” – Team Output Owners,
Borrowed resources – capacity donors.
Scrum, Scrum of Scrums and Scrum’s fractal design,
Oh God!, someone get me a bottle of wine!
Our Enterprise Scaling’s – a serious matter!
Big, scaling solutions will make things just better.
Lets pay extra fees for every new version,
And be in denial of this brutal extortion!
Projects and programs. Trains, Streams, Epic Owners,
Shared workers, Brook’s Law and developers-loaners.
Vertical structures get flipped on their side,
They’re now called Chapters – lets go for a ride!!!
Those Chapters too big??? – No worries, at all!
With Chapters of Chapters – we’ll all get a role!
But what if that thing got tremendously big?
No worries at all – will add Guild in a gig!
Portfolio Managers paid a big bribe –
To be guaranteed a sweet spot in a Tribe.
Of course, Tribal Lead is their main aspiration,
They’re now in charge of org. structure creation.
For staffing, rely on “sweat shops” and recruiters,
They are most ferocious industry looters.
They’ll find and “deliver” the cheapest resources,
While “riding” developers, like smelly horses.
Don’t do this alone: lets invite “expertise”!,
Expensive consultancies run this striptease!
They lead us through “theater” and masquerade,
And work extra hard for the millions they’ve made.
If you recognize what’s described in these rhymes,
If you get annoyed with these problems (sometimes),
Don’t remain silent and voice your frustration –
Earn tons of respect and your peers’ admiration.